HOW I TURNED JEALOUSY INTO MOTIVATION
Wether you are in your teens, twenties, or mid forties. Jealousy is one of the must commons feelings. Also one that can turn into a dark hole pretty quickly.
I mean who doesn’t want to be paid to post things on instagram, travel around Europe and wear designers stuff? While you are seating in your office in the middle of winter questioning if what you are doing is good, and why she/he is getting all this things and you aren’t. You can quickly start thinking you are less, and to envy what others have. Let me tell you this, it happens to everyone. EVERYONE.
Wether you are blogger, a fitness instructor, a fresh graduate, a very successful business owner. There will always be someone else better than you (at least in our heads), and competition. I say in our heads, because no one ever will be like you, and will do things like you. Similar or in the same industry, maybe, but not like you, with your creativity and your passion.
In the past I have felt this awful feeling of less, of why she was invited to a shoot and not me, why she has more followers than me (as silly as it sounds), why she is teaching there and not me, why she has that new job and not me, why she is signed with a brand and not me, why she is traveling and not me, why she has six pack and not me, why, why, why…why.
This toxic energy was building up easily in my head, and the most natural thing to do (at the time) was to try to get rid of it. I used to just shut it down, forget it was there, pretend it wasn’t there, and try to move on. This quickly stop working, as soon as I would see someone else doing something I wasn’t, it will come back again to me, every-time faster and stronger, leaving me with this feeling of anxiety, anger and often, depression.
So how on earth I went from feeling like crap and envying others to really start living, and creating my true me.
Oh well mamacita, it wasn’t easy. I had to change this energy, turn negative thoughts into positive ones and had to find a better way to channel this feelings. It was hard work, still is!
But what can we do everyday….here are what has worked for me:
1. DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!
Like I said at the beginning, it happens to everyone. Believe me. EVERYONE.
A little self-compassion will prevent your envy from turning into jealousy. People get into a sort of envy where they start feeling badly about how they are feeling, and this just makes them feel worse about themselves, which then leads to a downward spiral of negativity. Understanding why you feel envious is an important first step in making the most of a destructive emotion; you can acknowledge your envy and move on.
2. RECOGNIZE THE MOMENT IT HAPPENS
If you want to change certain habits or patterns, you have to “catch” yourself when doing it. I will simply pay attention at my reactions when looking at someone on Instagram. Let’s say I ’m scrolling and I see this person traveling around the world, or getting this amazing partnership, and just thinking “great, you again…they always pick the same people”
I would stop, and recognize that in fact I felt jealous, but I would ask myself, if I was just annoyed, if I was jealous of the person, the trip, the deal? Or simply acting out cause I was wasting time on scrolling when I could have been working on my own craft.
Whatever the answer, envy can serve as a trigger to clarify your goals, whether it’s to plan a vacation from work or take a road trip this weekend.
For me, is easier to work on my craft when I have a clear goal of what I want, so I would go back to that.
3. ASK YOURSELF QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY YOU ARE JEALOUS.
After understanding that my jealousy wasn’t about a person, that in fact it was me projecting into someone else life, then it was easier to point out how could I change.
I would ask myself some questions about that specific “jelly moment” and will get more deep into the desire and what was all about. - as an example:
- Do I really want what they have?
- Why do I want it or just like the idea of it ?
- Would I be using it?
- How can I get there, and what would I have to do to get there, what are the sacrifices?
- If I wanted to change it, what would be he next steps, is it attainable for me to do it.
- How long would it take me? And does it fit into my lifestyle?
- Would my life change and how?
This exercise has been super important because it will help me to understand the deep desires of my jealousy, and to really understand if I just liked the idea of, or it was something I was willing to do and change. I also realized that I could enjoy watching someone else life without the desire to be there, and to really support them.
4. USE YOUR JEALOUSY INTO YOUR OWN MOTIVATION
Ok, after I finished asking myself of those questions and realizing “OMG THAT’S REALLY WHAT I WANT” than it was time to focus on it.
And honestly this is so rare and magical, and amazing it happened to you! - because now that you know what you want than it is easier to write a road map, or at least the next steps.
You can truly transform your jealousy into something amazing, as an example, I was always so jealous of people sharing their life online, creating recipes, workouts, and having this pretty damn cool circle of friends, so instead of me just being jealous about it, I realize that I wanted that, and went ahead to research on how to do it. Along the way I have found all that and more, and made it my way, it made me focus on my life and desires, instead of others.
5. MAKE A LIST OF YOUR WINS, AND USE YOURSELF AS MOTIVATION
Seriously though! Make a list of everything you have accomplished this week, month, year. Keep a journal and read it every time you feel down.
You will quickly noticed you have accomplished sooo much, and how far you have come. It sounds super cheesy, but it will make you realize that you are capable to do whatever you put your mind to.
And look around, maybe someone else is out there looking up to you! And using you as motivator. How cool is that?
BONUS: IMAGINE THAT THOSE PEOPLE YOU ARE JEALOUS ABOUT ARE YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS.
I read this tip from Georgie’s blog, In It from the long run, and it has changed my life. I swear. Just as she said, imagine that person on instagram you are jelly off is your sister or friend, would you feel jealous of her, or would you feel damn happy and proud them. Send the same vibes to those who you envy, and just think that they are also human beings trying to do their thing, and just be happy for them!
More and more I truly believe in the power of energy, and the power of us. We all have the power to turn off bad energies and attract what we desire by being kind, loving and radiating good energy to the world.
I see this all the time: people that complain and talk shit about others, attract more negative people, and those who help and are truly happy, attract an army of good vibe babes, who do you want to be, and who do you want to hang out with?
One more tip, I always ask myself “would I hang out with me?”
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH.
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